Chat Jokes please

[Sybarite]

So I'm getting a prostate exam, which is pretty fucking embarrassing to begin with, but then the doctor says to me "please don't feel embarrassed, it's actually not unusual to get an erection during this procedure." I told him "I don't have an erection at all!!" But then the doctor told me that he did!

 

[snoopdoggie]

What's the difference between a pick-pocket and a peeping tom? One snatches your watch, the other watches your snatch.

 

[snoopdoggie]

What's the difference between oral sex and anal sex? Oral sex makes your day. Anal sex makes your hole weak.

 

[snoopdoggie]

A guy walks up to a woman sitting at the bar. He says to her, "hey, I heard there's a party in your mouth. Can I cum?"

 

[Jumpin’ Jack Flash]

A man went to the doctor complaining about erectile dysfunction...

A man went to the doctor and told him that he was having trouble maintaining an erection. After a complete exam the doctor told the man that the muscles around the base of his penis were damaged from a prior viral infection and there was nothing he could do for him.

However, he knew of an experimental treatment that might work, if he were willing to take the risk. The treatment consisted of implanting muscle tissue from an elephant's trunk in the man's penis.

The man thought about it for a while. The thought of going through life without ever experiencing sex again was just too much for him to bear. So, with the assurance that there would be no cruelty or adverse effect on the elephant, the man decided to go for it. A few weeks after the operation, he was given the green light to use his newly renovated equipment.

As a result, he planned a romantic evening with his girlfriend and took her to one of the nicest restaurants in the city. She was leaning over the table in a low cut shirt, and sure enough he began to feel very uncomfortable. To release the pressure, he unzipped his fly. Suddenly his penis emerged from his pants, went to the top of the table, grabbed a roll, and retreated into his pants.

His girlfriend was stunned at first, but then with a sly smile on her face said: "That was incredible. Can you do that again?"

With his eyes watering, he replied: "I think I can, but I'm not sure if I can take another dinner roll in the ass."

 

[Jumpin’ Jack Flash]

An elderly lady went to the doctor to discuss her stubborn husband's erectile dysfunction

Upon explaining the situation to the doctor, he told her to take these little blue pills, slip one in his coffee, and he would be good to go in no time. So later that day, the elderly lady and her husband are having coffee and she slips a pill into his without him noticing. Shortly after, he picks up his wife, tears her clothes off and starts making love to her right there on the table.
The following day, the elderly lady went to see the doctor again and he asked how her husband found the pills he had prescribed.
"Oh they work wonderfully!" She said. "It was the best love we've made since we've been married... But I'll never be able to show my face in Tim Horton's ever again

 

[Jumpin’ Jack Flash]

A man is having problems with his Johnson which certainly had seen better times. He consults a doctor who, after a couple of tests, says, "Sorry, but you've overdone it the last 30 years. Your dick is burned out; you only have 30 erections left in your penis."

The man walks home (deeply depressed); his wife is already expecting him at the front door and asks him what the doctor said concerning his problem. He tells her what the doc told him. She says, "Oh no, only 30 times! We shouldn't waste that. We should make a list!"

He replies, "Yes, I already made a list on the way home. Sorry, your name isn't on it."

 

[Jumpin’ Jack Flash]

A man went into a pharmacy and asked to talk to a male pharmacist. The woman he was talking to said that she was the pharmacist and that she and her sister owned the store, so there were no males employed there. She asked if there was something which she could help the gentleman with.

The man said that it was something that he would be much more comfortable discussing with a male pharmacist.

The female pharmacist assured him that she was completely professional and whatever it was that he needed to discuss, he could be confident that she would treat him with the highest level of professionalism.

The man agreed and began by saying, "This is tough for me to discuss, but I have a permanent erection. It causes me a lot of problems and severe embarrassment. So I was wondering what you could give me for it?"

The pharmacist said, "Just a minute, I'll go talk to my sister."

When she returned, she said, "We discussed it at length and the absolute best we can do is, 1/3 ownership in the store, a company car, and $3000 a month living expenses.

 

[Jumpin’ Jack Flash]

Dylan was practicing his golf swing in his front yard when he swung a little too hard and sent the ball through his neighbors window. Dylan ran over and rang the doorbell three times. After no one answered for a few minutes, he opened the door to see broken glass everywhere, a lamp lying on the ground, and a huge fat Arabian man wearing a turban sitting on the couch. Dylan asked, "Who are you?" The fat man replied, "I am a genie you have freed from that lamp." Dylan questioned, "Oh man, do I get three wishes?" The genie replied, "Since you freed me by accident you only get two and I get one." Dylan thought about it and realized what he wanted, "I want to be the best golfer ever." The surprised genie said, "You sure? Most people wish for money, but okay. Now your wife gets one wish." Dylan brought over his wife who wished right away, "I want a million dollars every week of my life." The genie said, "Granted. And now for my wish, I have been cramped up in that lamp for many years so its been a while since I've been with a woman. I want one day of wild, crazy sex with your wife, Dylan." Dylan said, "No way!" The genie replied, "Not even for a million dollars a week?" Dylan turned to his wife, who said, "I guess for all that, I should. Well, not until Dylan leaves." Dylan said, "Okay, have fun, I guess," and left. Dylan's wife then proceeded to have wild sex for the rest of the day with the genie. When they were finished, the genie asked how old her husband was. She said, "Forty-five." The Genie laughed and said, "Isn't he a little old to be believing in genies?"

 

[Jumpin’ Jack Flash]

what’s a 6.9 ?











Another good thing screwed up by a period.

 

[Jumpin’ Jack Flash]

A penguin takes his car to the shop and the mechanic says it'll take about an hour for him to check it. While he waits, the penguin goes to an ice cream shop and orders a big sundae to pass the time. The penguin isn't the neatest eater, and he ends up covered in melted ice cream. When he returns to the shop, the mechanic takes one look at him and says, "Looks like you blew a seal." "No," the penguin insists, "it's just ice cream."

 

[UsefulIdiot]

What's the biggest drawback in Africa? An elephant's foreskin!

 

[Shag]

 

[Jumpin’ Jack Flash]

Let’s see

 

[Jumpin’ Jack Flash]

Anthony Rodia on Instagram: "RODIA COMEDY #PRAY4ITALY"

4,309 likes, 252 comments - rodiacomedy on March 13, 2020: "RODIA COMEDY #PRAY4ITALY".

www.instagram.com

 

[kittyhound69]

My wife wants to fuck all the time now? Curious why ... maybe because she’s not at work , fwb? I don’t feel so bad about seeing mpas now lol

 

[snoopdoggie]

A teenage girl sees a beautiful new car parked with a male owner sitting inside. She said to him, "I really like your car". He said, "Thanks. Would you like to check out the inside?" She said, "Sure". So, as she sat in the driver's seat, he showed her all the latest new gadgets. The push button start, push button transmission, rear view camera, built in dashboard camera, pushbutton OnStar, etc. Then he pulls down his pants zipper, and pulls out his hard cock, and says, "this car even has a phone. I think you're mother is calling." So she grabs his cock, puts it near her mouth, and says, "Hello, is that you, mom?"

 

[cupcrazy]

you are all invited to Testicle Festival

 

[snoopdoggie]

you are all invited to Testicle Festival
View attachment 112177

I guess that's a little different from a sausage party. Lol

 

[BigDare88]

Don’t panic !