Chat Jokes please

[mountain-independent]

 

[mountain-independent]

 

[Duzy Kutas]

Three nuns are on a bus which unfortunately has an accident and the nuns pass... very sad...
Their spirits are taken up to heaven where they are put in a line up to get through the Pearly Gates.
Once they reach the front of the line.. they are met by St. Peter.
They are told that they must answer a question correctly to have the Pearly Gates open for them to get into Heaven.
They are not impressed and protest that they gave their whole life to their religion and should not have to answer anything.
They are not successful in their protesting.

The first nun.. says I am ready for my Question...
St Peter asks her - What was the name of the first human Male on Planet Earth?
She pauses and answers "I believe it was Adam" ----
Trumpets and Fanfare, angels sing and the Pearly Gates open and she walks through....

The second nun steps forward for her question.
St Peter asks her - What was the name of the first human Female on Planet Earth?
excitedly she says "Eve, Eve.... It was Eve"... she starts crying with joy..
Trumpets and Fanfare, angels sing and the Pearly Gates open and she walks through....

The third nun is very nervous for her question...
St Peter asks her - What were the FIRST words spoken between Adam and Eve?
not knowing what could possibly be the answer...
She exclaims "Hey!!! Thats a Hard One!!!"
Trumpets and Fanfare, angels sing and the Pearly Gates open................

 

[Duzy Kutas]

Its a beautiful day in Downtown Toronto....
Two separate cars pull into the underground parking lot at the Manulife Centre at Bay and Bloor..
The drivers both get out of their cars and head to the Elevator..

The first driver is a woman -- she presses the Elevator button for the 3rd floor .
The second driver is a guy - he presses the button for the 7th floor..

The guy is very friendly.... he speaks to the woman..
"its a beautiful day... what brings you to the Manulife Centre today?"
She answers.. "I am going to the 3rd Floor Blood Donor clinic.. to donate blood.. How about you?"
He replies " I am going up to the 7th floor, I am going to donate my sperm."
She answers.. "Wow, what made you want to do that?"
He replies "I get paid $250 for my sperm.... I really need the money"
She says... "ha... All I get for my blood is some juice and cookies"
The elevator opens on the 3rd floor and she says "take care..."
They both go off to do their donating....

Two weeks later....
the same guy is going back again and after he steps into the Elevator, he sees the same girl walking towards the Elevator
and so he holds the elevator open for her....
He smiles and says... "Hey... Hi... I remember you.... Let me press number 3 for you..."
The girl shakes her head and with her mouth closed and full says "Hm..mm" and holds 7 fingers towards him..asking him to press 7...
On this day.. they both go to the 7th floor to donate..

 

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[cali99]

View attachment 214659

ha ha
i've actually gone river rafting a few times on the american river.. both forks.
and this "lost paddle" thing is a reality as some of those rapids like devils cesspool, with throw you out
and under the raft!
good times..
thx

 

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[snoopdoggie]

View attachment 214601

Good advice!

 

[snoopdoggie]

View attachment 214565

It's funny, but it's actually an optical illusion. The picture snapped while she was removing the syringe from the little girl. It didn't go directly on the woman's breast. It may have gone near the breast while she was cleaning the girl's puncture wound.

 

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[mountain-independent]

 

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